Exactly.

Okay. So I really like living in Capitol Hill. It's undoubtedly the best neighborhood I've lived in since moving to Denver. It is also the loudest. When i moved from LoDo to Cap Hill about 18 months ago I was expecting a pretty significant decrease in noise. Not.The.Case. I've come to realize that the hipsters who live in my neighborhood are almost vampiric in their nocturnalness. Unlike the trashy people who live in LoDo who pass out at 2:01 AM after partaking in one too many slushies on the Tavern rooftop, hipsters are always awake. No matter what day of the week or hour of the night it is. And they usually decide to congregate right outside my gate. Usually I'm not very bothered by this. Before last night, there had only been two times where I actually had to get out of bed and go and investigate what all the god damn fuss was about. Once was when a couple was having a HUGE blow up fight and I could hear several slaps landing and the other was when some dude impaled his leg on a fence while trying to scale it because his drunk ass girlfriend forgot her keys. Both of these were hilarious. Last night, however, was a different story.

First of all, I couldnt sleep. Like at all.  When the clock hit 1:00 am I decided to take a sleeping pill and put on "The Horse Whisperer" to lull me asleep. Okay that movie is seriously fucking stupid. And really really creepily cast. 

You have Cardinal Wolsey from "The Tudors"

Scarlotte Johansen (aka Mary Boleyn from "The Other Boleyn Girl")

The aunt from "Practical Magic"

and Scar Jo's creepy ginger mom who has a British Accent. 

....And who bares an eerie resemblance to Elizabeth I.

Half way thru the movie and about an hour into my sleeping pill I'm pretty sure I started to fall asleep/ start to dream  halluncinate that the movie I was watching was not in fact "The Horse Whisperer" but was really some sort of Tudor England fan fiction in which the rest of the cast was plotting against the wicked Aunt to have her executed for witchcraft and heresy. I was reallllllly excited to see how this dream was going to play out. I was hoping that Jonathan Rhys Meyers would magically come riding up on the troubled horse that had been receiving the "whispering" and whisk me away and Ann Boleyn me.

.....I mean, thats normal right?

Sadly, I will never know how this dream might have ended. Why you may ask? I was abruptly awakened/jolted back into reality but the most insanely loud bout of coughing/hacking I have ever heard in my life coming from outside. It was 3:45am. I had been "asleep" for mayyyyyybe 15 mins at most. Normally, I would have ignored this. But the coughing wouldn't stop. And it was fucking snowing. I was afraid that if someone was passing out outside, they would freeze to death and I'd have to live with "survivors guilt"/deal with having to call the police in the morning when I discovered the body. So I grabbed my robe and went out on my balcony. I see a chick who has to be about 30-35. Puking her guts outside the door for the apartment next door to mine. She is stumbling back and forth and is really just a fucking train wreck. I call out to her and she doesn't answer. Finally she falls down on the ground. But I see that she has her keys in her hand. So I drag myself downstairs, in my robe, at 4:00am, in the fucking snow. When I get downstairs I see that she isn't alone. She has her boyfriend with her. I couldn't see him because he was safety keeping warm under the awning while is fair lady was ebola-ing out her insides. He is smoking a cig. While she is teetering back and forth, still holing her keys. At this point they had been outside for at least 15 mins. Hacking. Puking. In the snow. Waking me up. Call me old fashioned, but any boyfriend who chooses to smoke a cig before helping you unlock the door to your apartment when you are seconds away from comatose in a blizzard is probably not marriage material. Then again, he is probably thinking that any girl who is puking at 4:00 am on a street corner on a Monday is also probably not marriage material. But I digress.....

There really is no point to this story other than the fact that I couldnt fall back asleep for 2 hours after this happened. I was banking on the fact that we'd have atleast a two hour delay for work because of the snow but we didnt even get that. We got one measly hour which brought my total sleep time to just under four hours which means right now I probably look as appealing as the puke girl from last night. Which is about as attractive as this:

Honestly...I want to like people. But they are so fucking stupid.